How Do I Talk With My Child About Starting Therapy?
Having a conversation with your child about starting therapy can feel tricky. Parents often feel a lot of pressure to get it just right, especially if it’s their child’s first time in therapy or they’re not sure how their child will respond to the idea. There’s no one right way to talk about starting therapy with your child. What’s most important is to introduce the idea in a way that feels safe and supportive, not like they’re in trouble or that something is wrong with them.
If you just have a minute, you can skip to the Quick Tips section below. If you’re interested in a more detailed breakdown of how you can make the conversation go smoothly, keep reading.
Explaining What Therapy Is
Since most kids already know what a doctor does, I usually introduce the idea of therapy to children by explaining that therapists are like feelings doctors. Much like a pediatrician helps kids learn about their bodies, stay healthy, and feel better when something’s wrong, therapists help people with their thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
With older kids, I also like to highlight that therapy isn’t just for when something is“wrong.” Just like a pediatrician sees kids for both check-ups and sick visits, therapists can provide support when something already feels hard or overwhelming, and can help kids learn tools that help them handle emotions and make strong choices when challenges arise.
If I know a child is familiar with a “feelings teacher,” like their school counselor or social worker, I’ll often use that as a way to help them understand what therapy is. I might say that therapists are like feelings teachers because they both help kids learn about emotions, getting along with others, and problem-solving, but instead of mostly focusing on things that come up at school, therapists also help with things happening outside of school.
The goal is to keep the conversation simple, supportive, and free of judgment, so your child feels safe and open to the process.
When Should I Bring It Up?
If your child is in preschool or early elementary school, I usually recommend telling them casually the day before the first appointment. At that age, too much advance notice can just lead to unnecessary worry. A simple explanation like, “Tomorrow we’re going to meet someone who helps kids with their feelings,” is usually enough.
With most older elementary kids, preteens, and teenagers, I recommend starting the conversation about therapy while you’re still in the process of looking for a therapist.
Being open about why you think therapy could help and giving them a chance to weigh in gives them a sense of control over a process that can feel intimidating. For preteens and teens especially, it can be helpful to ask about their preferences around therapy. This might include therapist characteristics like age or gender, the kinds of activities or approaches used in therapy, or whether they’d rather meet in person or online. When it feels like something you’re figuring out together, rather than something being forced on them, older kids and teenagers are more likely to approach therapy with curiosity and a willingness to participate.
Final Thoughts
Starting therapy can feel like a big step, and it’s normal to wonder how to talk about it in a way that feels right. You don’t need perfect words. What matters most is helping your child feel safe, supported, and included in the process. Whether they’re working through something that’s been hard or just learning new ways to handle life’s ups and downs, therapy can give them a space to be heard and to practice tools that really help. Beginning that process with honesty and care sets the tone for what comes next.
Quick Tips for Talking With Your Child About Starting Therapy
Keep it simple and supportive. Avoid making it sound like they’re in trouble or that something is “wrong” with them.
Use comparisons they understand, like a “feelings doctor” or “feelings teacher.”
Match the timing to their age. Tell younger kids the day before, involve older kids earlier in the process.
Invite input, especially from preteens and teens, to give them a sense of control.
Focus on therapy as a helpful, ongoing process, not a one-time fix.
What to Say: Sample Scripts for Talking With Your Child About Starting Therapy
Below are examples of how you might introduce the idea of therapy to your child, tailored for different ages. These are just starting points that you should adapt to your child’s personality, developmental level, and the reasons they’re starting therapy.
Preschoolers (3–5)
“Tomorrow we’re going to meet someone new. They’re a feelings doctor, kind of like how your regular doctor helps you take care of your body. This person helps kids learn about their feelings and what to do when feelings get really big. We’ll play some games, talk, and they’ll help us figure out ways to make things easier when something feels hard.”
Early Elementary (6–8)
“Tomorrow we’re going to see someone who helps kids with their thoughts, feelings, and choices. They’re kind of like your doctor, but for feelings instead of your body. Sometimes we’ll go when something’s bothering you, and sometimes just to learn new ways to handle things that come up. They might play games, do activities, and talk with us so we can figure out what works best for you.”
Mid to Late Elementary (8–11)
“I’ve been thinking it could be helpful for us to meet with someone who’s really good at helping kids understand their feelings, thoughts, and behavior. They’re sort of like a doctor for feelings. Just like you see your doctor when you’re sick or for a check-up, a feelings doctor helps when things feel hard, and also teaches skills to make things easier in the future. We can look for someone together, and you can tell me what you think might make you comfortable, like if you’d rather meet in person or online.”
Preteens (11–12)
“I’d like us to meet with someone who can help you learn more about your feelings, thoughts, and choices, and give you tools to use when things feel stressful or overwhelming. Think of them like a doctor for your feelings. They help when something’s hard right now, and also teach skills you can use anytime. This isn’t something I want to just decide for you. I’d like your input on the kind of person you’d feel comfortable with and whether you’d rather meet online or in person. That way it’s something we’re doing together.”
Young Teenagers (13–15)
“I want to talk with you about therapy. I think it could be helpful for you to have someone to talk to who can also give you tools for handling stress, emotions, and challenges that come up. I’d like this to be something we decide on together. You can tell me what matters to you, like the kind of person you’d want to work with or how you’d like to meet with them. The goal is for you to feel comfortable and supported.”
Older Teenagers (16–18)
“I think it could be a good idea for you to work with a therapist. They can help you sort through what’s on your mind, make sense of your feelings, and figure out strategies for handling whatever’s coming up in your life right now and things that come up in the future. This isn’t something I want to just set up without your input. I’d like to know what you think about it, and what would make you feel comfortable, like the therapist’s style, background, or whether you’d prefer in person or online sessions. I want you to feel like this is something you have a say in, not something that’s being pushed on you.”